How funny is this! It turns out that the ‘Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey’ attributed to great British poet Pam Ayres earlier this year, and doing the rounds again on Facebook and Twitter again now, isn’t her work at all! Rather it’s apparently from the pen of one John Summers. But it’s so ‘Pam-esque’ that the doyenne of the ditty had to take to Twitter to declare ‘I DID NOT write this poem… It is nothing to do with me.’
Here’s one that IS to do with her – inspired by her recent Jam Making sessions –
Great boiling pan of home-made jam
Shop stuff can’t hold a candle
It’s such a treat; it smells so sweet
And sticks you to the handle!
Hehe! Well done @pamAyres – you are now duly followed.
ps for those who missed it, here’s the poem in full – inspired by the novel, in the style of the master of Odes!
‘An Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey’
The missus bought a Paperback
down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
…T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
…At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said…
I must dominate her!!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.
She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought oh well, what the hell,
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”
Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.
by John Summers