Debbie Flint

Category: Uncategorized

Squeeee! The audiobook of Take a Chance on Me is out!

In a word – Squeeeeee! 

Here it is – finally – the audiobook of Take a Chance on Me! Originally self-published as ‘Hawaiian Affair’ (and followed by Hawaiian Escape and Hawaiian Retreat as they are called at the moment on Amazon) this is my first finished novel, and for three years people have been asking when the Audiobook would be out. Well here it is!

I devour audiobooks, if you didn’t know already. Every week I’m listening to hours and hours of stories and non-fiction in the car, and whilst cooking and gardening and sometimes even whilst walking the dogs. I’ve listened to/read more books in the past three years than I have in the past decade, thanks to multi-tasking. So it is with great pleasure that I announce that TACOM is now on audible.

I was delighted when Lyn my publisher told me that Howes Audio had bought the rights to make the audiobook and even more delighted to chat to talented narrator Antonia Beamish who told me she loved my (ahem) steamy scenes – ‘you’re very good at writing the sex scenes, Miss Flint’ she said. Lol. That’s one of the reasons I was happier for someone else to read my books, I have to say.

This week, a full look at one of my best TiFFT’s ever – my first novel finally out on my first audiobook. If you wondered what the narrators look like, here’s a pic of lovely Antonia Beamish who was chosen to be my narrator, and to get a link to listen to a free sample! Go here.

So do enjoy it and let me know what you think!

Get it here on amazon – with 123 five star reviews. If you read Hawaiian Affair, this version is a little different so you might enjoy this too. Let me know what you think – just email me [email protected]

other news – 

– the double agent – the relationship between literary agents and writers – more here

– learn about writing – from accomplished author Liz Harris – FREE EVENT.

“I shall be giving two talks – one about Publishing and one about Plotting your novel – at the City of Westminster Archives Centre on Saturday 11th June 2016, from 11am- 2pm.

11am- 12pm. I’ll talk briefly about my path to publication and will discuss some of the things I know now that I wish I’d known when I started out.

1pm- 2pm. Plotting Workshop: I’ll take you through the essentials of writing a novel that has a striking beginning, a non-saggy middle and a resounding ending. 

Places are free, but booking is essential. Please call City Archives at 020776415180 or email them at [email protected] to book.”

Beginners’ Guide And if you’re a complete beginner and want to self-publish, my basic guide can be found here – beginner’s tips for self-publishing –  a summary of info, sites and links to help you on your way. Including my guest blog on prestigious industry website, TheCreativePenn.com, Go here to read more.

Archives Don’t forget to check out the other archives (to the left) for even more fabulous hints, tips, links and blogs. 

luv

Debs

 x

My books – For the full list of my fiction and non fiction novels, novellas, short stories – info and links to buy them just go here. or see below.

As usual, here’s the round up of my own titles! I’d appreciate a review on Amazon (go here) and Goodreads (go here)! Enjoy! x

eBooks  – all available on Amazon – paperback or eBook (kindle or kindle app or kindle on PC or Mac)

paperbacks – five fiction titles all available in paperback – via Amazon – see below.

 FICTION

HAWAIIAN TRILOGY (2013/4) – romantic fiction in either steamy or PG options!

Book 1 Hawaiian Escape Steamy or Hawaiian Escape PG, the prequel to Hawaiian Affair – is now available on Amazon in eBook or paperback in both PG original and steamy (just released last week!).

Book 2 Hawaiian Affair Steamy – now called Take a Chance on Me, with Choc Lit publisher  available on Amazon. Paperback coming to shops Dec 2015! yay!

Book 3 Hawaiian Retreat – Helen’s Story – Just click this link to see steamy version. Paperback also available

  DIARY OF A WANNABE SHOPPING CHANNEL PRESENTER – a stand alone story – Bridget Jones meets Alan Partridge meets Eddie Murphy in ‘Holy Man’ –click here to buy Ebook on amazon, and click here to buy paperback

SHORT STORIES

 ‘When Dreams Return’ (2014) – spooky romantic short story – when Chelle’s pal Sara gets her to conjure up her ideal man with a full moon magic spell, she gets more than she bargained for… also appears in Hocus Pocus anthology.

The Valentine’s Surprise (2010) is a short story proving it’s never too late to find your Sir Galahad!

And Work in Progress, a compendium in paperback of Dairy of a Wannabe plus the two short stories in one volume.

 Also – for Hallowe’en – an anthology of short spooky stories by 13 authors including many new shorts and my When Dreams Return in paperback! Hocus Pocus ’14 – ebook or paperback.

 ‘Battle of the Exes’, written for Valentine’s Day 2015, features in ‘Roses are Red’ anthology of six short stories on Amazon ebook and paperback too.

  NON-FICTION

 Till the Fat Lady Slims 2.0 – the ‘When’ Diet – is my semi-autobiographical weight loss book – updated for 2014 to include the latest thinking about nutrition. Learn how to eat like slim people do.

 Go here to get Till the Fat Lady Slims 3.0 – Tips and Tale to Inspire on amazon

Go here to get its predecessor (read 2.0 first) Till the Fat Lady Slims 2.0 – the When diet on amazon

‘Take a Chance on Me – my debut novel with Choc Lit

You may or may not know that I am published with UK independent publisher Choc Lit, and my very first novel with them, Take a Chance on Me, became a top 50 best selling e book last year. My ambition of a lifetime was fulfilled at Christmas, when it went into bookshops including WH Smith travel, where it reached number 79 in the charts. It was such a pleasure to see my book on a proper bookshop shelf, via a proper publisher.

Well the latest news is that Lyn my lovely publisher has now sold the French rights to a company who will be doing the translation into French! That has finally made me feel like a proper author 🙂

Previously she informed me that Antonia Beamish would be narrating, for Howes. Their Wholebook Audio is huge and you will be able to get it on CD as well as download eg via audible. Antonia has an excellent voice and I was thrilled to talk to her on the phone – which according to the Crimefest panel from audible, is quite rare. 

now available – full report is here

Finally a look ahead. My next book will be the sister’s story. There is a prequel called Hawaiian Escape on Amazon which takes you into the past before Take a

Chance on Me happened. So my current Work in Progress is set just afterwards, and is based on, but NOT IDENTICAL TO, my sequel, previously published as Hawaiian Retreat.


More about Choc Lit here

More about take a chance on me from Amazon here. It now has over 120 five star reviews!

For a full run down of my books and other writing see below or go to ‘writing’ tab at top of this page.

debs

x

My books – For the full list of my fiction and non fiction novels, novellas, short stories – info and links to buy them just go here. Or see below.

As usual, here’s the round up of my own titles! I’d appreciate a review on Amazon (go here) and Goodreads (go here)! Enjoy! x

eBooks  – all available on Amazon – paperback or eBook (kindle or kindle app or kindle on PC or Mac)

paperbacks – five fiction titles all available in paperback – via Amazon – see below.

FICTION

HAWAIIAN TRILOGY (2013/4) – romantic fiction in either steamy or PG options!

Book 1 Hawaiian Escape Steamy or Hawaiian Escape PG, the prequel to Hawaiian Affair – is now available on Amazon in eBook or paperback in both PG original and steamy (just released last week!).

Book 2 Hawaiian Affair Steamy – now called Take a Chance on Me, with Choc Lit publisher  available on Amazon. Paperback coming to shops Dec 2015! yay!

Book 3 Hawaiian Retreat – Helen’s Story – Just click this link to see steamy version. Paperback also available

 DIARY OF A WANNABE SHOPPING CHANNEL PRESENTER – a stand alone story – Bridget Jones meets Alan Partridge meets Eddie Murphy in ‘Holy Man’ –click here to buy Ebook on amazon, and click here to buy paperback

SHORT STORIES

‘When Dreams Return’ (2014) – spooky romantic short story – when Chelle’s pal Sara gets her to conjure up her ideal man with a full moon magic spell, she gets more than she bargained for… also appears in Hocus Pocus anthology.

The Valentine’s Surprise (2010) is a short story proving it’s never too late to find your Sir Galahad!

And Work in Progress, a compendium in paperback of Dairy of a Wannabe plus the two short stories in one volume.

Also – for Hallowe’en – an anthology of short spooky stories by 13 authors including many new shorts and my When Dreams Return in paperback! Hocus Pocus ’14 – ebook or paperback.

 ‘Battle of the Exes’, written for Valentine’s Day 2015, features in ‘Roses are Red’ anthology of six short stories on Amazon ebook and paperback too.

 NON-FICTION

Till the Fat Lady Slims 2.0 – the ‘When’ Diet – is my semi-autobiographical weight loss book – updated for 2014 to include the latest thinking about nutrition. Learn how to eat like slim people do.

Go here to get Till the Fat Lady Slims 3.0 – Tips and Tale to Inspire on amazon

Go here to get its predecessor (read 2.0 first) Till the Fat Lady Slims 2.0 – the When diet on amazon

Bodyblade videos – links to youtube clips, SHOWS, sites, groups, as at March 2016

The Bodyblade Video Links – 

Full Super6 Workouts –

Beach Super6 – LA beach basic routine – Nov ‘14

Mobility Super6 – extra variation – QVC Studio – Jan 2015

Hampton Court Super6 Circuits – ten second bursts

Simon Biagi show – June ’15

Here is the recording of some of the girls as featured doing the Super6 on simon biagi’s Sunday show with Bruce 28th June – click here.

September show – 8th – ft four customers a very popular airing, a whole hour show, very informative – click here.

ORDER

Order your bodyblade from QVC here.

And join our fabulously supportive and informative Facebook group Bodyblade QVC here.

Variations – Mix it up! –

Belly Blaster Richmond Park – extra movements to target the abs – Feb 2015

Willow Tree Bodyblade Sequence – shorter, intense, balletic

 Here is the new Chiswick Stretch and Flow video – click here. – June 2015

SUPERB! Bodyblade qvc ohana – the virtual wall chart – full 30 exercises – by facebook ohana! click here – march 2016 (JOIN GROUP FIRST)

Bruce in the QVC Studios –

Bodyblade Basics: how to grip, plus advanced positions – inc Bruce on the Floor

Hip and Thigh for beginners – w Gisella – how to do Number 6 vertical side to side motion

Tips for the Abdominals – Bruce solo in studio

Wide Side and Narrow Side – explanation – Bruce solo in the studio

Flex intensity – how to increase resistance – Bruce solo in studio

What to do if you have to be seated

Newbie? Never seen Bodyblade before? Watch this

original studio show January 2014

Buy Bodyblade here, ITEM 432954, QVCUK.COM (over 100 5*)

And join the superb support network on our Facebook Group ‘Bodyblade QVC’ here –  https://www.facebook.com/groups/bodybladeqvc/?fref=ts

Aids to Cutting Back on Sugar

updated April 2016

As I write in my book Till the Fat Lady Slims 2.0 – The ‘When’ Diet, it’s vital to wean yourself off sugar.

Sugar is listed as being linked with all manner of health issues, and crucially it prevents you trusting the signals of your body. It will say ‘give me sugar’ instead of ‘now I want protein/ green veg/ fish’ and will keep you being controlled by the sugar demon in your veins.

These links are here for you to keep dipping into, whenever you feel the need. Now, maybe? If you’re reading this for the first time, watch this summary of the 

CNN Sixty Minutes reports from Sanjay Gupta, the famous ‘most trusted guy in America’, summarising WHY SUGAR RUINS YOUR HEALTH then see below for more.

One of the latest and one of the best is from RTE, featuring Professor Robert Lustig and also Damon Gameau from ‘That Sugar Film” – is on this link – especially if you buy ‘low fat’ food but can’t understand why your weight loss has plateaued. click here to watch SUGAR CRASH and it’s mentioned in a Back to you blog here.

And one of the latest youtube chats from the godfather of the anti-sugar movement, Prof Robert Lustig, Sugar pandemic , here.

All calories are NOT equal.

I began my sugar free journey by slowly giving up sugar in coffee and tea, eg a quarter of a teaspoon less each week over four weeks, giving up ‘treats’ which now seemed like insidious tricks to keep me trapped and to keep my insulin levels too high to shed fat. The next four weeks I then cut down on any sugar as an added ingredient. Within that time I lost a stone.

Hope this all helps. It’s hard, especially at first, but not impossible.

How to tell that you definitely need to cut back

–          You find yourself reaching for a dessert or sugary sweet treat regularly through the day

–          You feel you ‘have’ to end each meal with sugar

–          You tell yourself you ‘can’t’ give up sugar in coffee – ‘can’t’ means you need to

–          You KNOW you are not hungry but your thoughts go to sugar and you find yourself restless till you get some.

–          You have energy peaks then feel exhausted and rely on sweets etc as a pick-me-up.

–          You indulge at Xmas and still in early January you crave sugar again regularly

–          You can’t stop once you’ve started. It’s still not enough. It’s never enough.

You’re not ‘bad.’  It’s ok, you know, once you’ve read the below you’ll begin to understand why it’s not simply about willpower. You’re in the grip of an addiction, caused by ever more sugar in our food.

It’s been happening since the early 1900’s, and consumption exploded after WWII rationing ended. In 1982 a big mistake happened. A massive error in how they read the studies back then meant that instead of demonising sugar AND fat, it was just fat. It should have been ‘eat low sugar and eat low fat’ in order to cut health problems and encourage weight loss. Instead, sugar escaped through the net.  Food giants strove to make lower fat foods taste more palatable so piled in the sugar. Worse, a fruit sugar, fructose, began being used in a pure form. High Fructose Corn Syrup was cheap and helped keep down sugar prices. More than that it was even sweeter than ordinary table sugar, (which is half glucose and half fructose.) This is bad, because pure fructose should not be consumed without the ‘antidote,’ the fibre in the rest of the fruit. It does bad things in the only place it can be metabolised, the liver. Glucose on the other hand, can be used up in every part of the body, but we don’t need added sugar/glucose, because our body can make it from all normal foods including vegetables and complex carbs.

Starting in the liver, a third of all calories we eat as fructose are converted straight back into fat, no matter what exercise we do, no matter what deficit we create in calories and no matter how high our metabolism. (from ‘Sugar the Bitter Truth’ university lecture, see below.) Scary, right? Fructose by-passes the usual appetite-satisfying signals in the body (leptin, grehlin) and leaves us unsatiated. Fructose in the brain acts like cocaine – rats eating both were seven times more attracted to the sugar than to the cocaine. So don’t be a rat.

DON’T BE A RAT.

Simple carbohydrates (white bread, rice, potatoes, crisps, chips) are also bad but for a different reason – they keep insulin high which prevents the body going into fat burning mode.

There’s a ton of info below. DO please dip into it and make yourself aware of what’s controlling you. Get free of it, drink enough water so you’re not dehydrated, and use my Till the Fat Lady Slims 2.0 (TTFLS) book to help break free from food prison.

The habits of a lifetime can be changed, and it starts right here. it’s as easy as watching the videos below.

if you have kids around you with bad bad teeth who drink juice, get their parents to watch this.
If you have overweight people around you who ‘can’t give up sugar’ get them to watch this.
If you think it’s normal to have sweet stuff after every meal, watch this.
If you still think low fat is the way to go, watch this.
If you drink hot drinks with ever more sugar, watch this.

D

X

PSYCHOLOGY OF TEMPTATION

Till the Fat Lady Slims 2.0 – the ‘When’ diet This is my semi-autobiographical weight loss book – if all else fails, and you still need to reach for the biscuit tin, this is how to stop it becoming a binge. FREEDOM EATING means sugar is not treasure – therefore resisting is easier.

www.debbieflint.co.uk/ttfls for general info and testimonials and pics of eg 5stone weight loss

Ebook or paperback – ‘Till the Fat Lady Slims 2.0 – the ‘When’ Diet’ – on Amazon – click here.

The Chimp Paradox – it’s a chimp, that part of your brain linked to being a cave man, but there are ways of dealing with it even if you currently think it can’t be controlled. Understand how to deal with it and how it can help stop self-destructive habits. Fascinating book about human behaviour.

The Chimp Paradox’ on Amazon – click here.

Gut: by Giulia Enders – another amazing resource. Examines how our microbiota in our gut is the beginning of many health issues. Genius new science. eg we have ‘chubby’ bacteria and how too much sugar affects our whole digestive system which affects our whole body, and our brain. Did you know we even have different bacteria if we are depressed?

Gut by Giulia Enders on Amazon – click here

 Prof Alex Richardson on omega 3 and health – click here for FAB research video clip april 2016

ARTICLES ONLINE

Fat burning simplified Nutrition guru Marlene Watson Tara (.com) has a hard hitting but simple to understand article about why eating simple sugars means insulin is released and having insulin in your body means the cells CANNOT shed fat. Fat Burning Simplified is here – it helped me stop reaching for sugary ‘treats’ – they’re not treats, they’re an insulin switch.

http://www.marlenewatsontara.com/fat-burning-simplifed/

Addicted Oreos are legal crack – so says this website – go here to see the effects of sugar on the brain and why they can be as addictive as cocaine. Isn’t it best to get off it?

http://mic.com/articles/88015/what-happens-to-your-brain-on-sugar-explained-by-science

Trapped If the idea of being controlled by others makes your blood boil, just look at this astonishing article about how food makers deliberately targeted the overweight consumers to make them sugar addicted and buy more. Are you one of their minions? Have they got you addicted? Read this to understand why the answer is to cut down on sugar, then rebel.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/magazine/the-extraordinary-science-of-junk-food.html

yet more research – improve kids’ health in ten days – here’s an October 2015 New York Times report on the latest findings from Professor Lustig and team on what happened to obese kids’ health in little over a week of cutting right back on added sugars – it’s amazing reading.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/10/27/cutting-sugar-improves-childrens-health-in-just-10-days/?_r=0

VIDEOS TO WATCH ONLINE

If you’re like me, watching these iconic videos will make you WANT to stop eating the chronic poison that mucks up your metabolism and keeps you trapped –

 – Sugar the Bitter Truth –

1. the original YouTube sensation An hour and a half of a university lecture in 2004 by Professor Robert Lustig the anti-sugar campaigner who is changing the world one click at a time. I watched this FOUR times before I reduced it so much that I ate no sugar at all for a whole month, and lost a stone. So worth while. If getting the info affects your mindset at the moment of decision, then watch them over and over. And keep watching more till you find it easier to leave the dangerous white stuff alone. Sugar the Bitter Truth on youtube is here. 90 mins long – I watched it 4 times – full of science.

2.or this 2011 version  is superb – ‘frontiers of Science – WHY sugar is bad – do watch both – and alternate if you need reminders from time to time.

3.(nb if you want a summary, here’s the 2011 New York Times article explaining it in more or less layman’s terms, if you don’t have 90 mins or the science is too confusing. read ‘is sugar toxic, sweet and vicious’ here.

4. The updated video lecture will help decry the nay sayers – see Prof lustig rip apart the studies ‘proving’ it’s not sugar – watch the first fifteen mins or so here in ‘Prof Robert Lustig – sugar; the newest, bitterest truth.’ it’s BRILLIANT.

–          Toxic Sugar – ABC news report – great for beginners – 18 mins long –click here

–          Is sugar Toxic (the Sixty Minute show) – 14 mins long – click here AND THE FOUR MINUTE SUMMARY HERE

–          Prof Lustig video – by me! And taking it back to basics – combining exercise with the whole ‘avoid too much sugar if you want to lose weight’ theme, which we return to over and over again (!), here’s an eleven minute segment from a talk I went to by anti-sugar crusader, Prof Robert Lustig – this section is about the all-important hormones which influence our eating – incl insulin, and the other hormones that signal satiety in the body and how sugar disrupts it all. Click here to watch.

–          Dr Eric Berg’s Youtube Channel – including this 14 min clip – the second half is most riveting – layman’s terms about toxicity- click here

 –          Plus Watch out for – Fed upthe US sensation,on YouTube and from March 2015That Sugar Film’,by an Aussie reporter, and starring Steven Fry. (www.thatsugarfilm.com )

–          And if you have a brave stomach, watch this about FATTY LIVER, bleaurgh! Click here to read ‘Liver Fat is a Serious Health Risk

 – the RTE documentary featuring so many current experts, Professor Robert Lustig and also Damon Gameau from That Sugar film – watch Sugar Crash here. A good one to watch with the kids. 

 – how OVERCONSUMPTION OF SUGAR CAN HAVE ADDICTIVE EFFECTS ON THE BRAIN – a bit of science for you in a TED Ed vid – go here – only 5 mins long

– Aprl 2016 – the famous That Sugar Film currently on Youtube (or buy it if it’s been deleted) shows definitively it’s not about the calories. Click here.

FED UP film – click here – scary – another amazing movie made by health campaigner with some truly scary politics leading to appalling kids’ health. 

BOOKS

There’s a long list inside part two of TTFLs 2.0. In addition sign up for the newsletters listed and visit the scientific study sites like FABresearch.org, all listed in the book. Or on google or amazon etc.

ALTERNATIVES

Davina MacCall had a complete pull out in You Magazine at the beginning of January 2015 about giving up sugar and how you can cook differently to accommodate cutting down the white stuff. Lots of knowledge, and suggestions, and for some, that’s all they need. Well done Davina! More here about ‘Five Weeks to Sugar Free’.

Sarah Wilson’s classic ‘I Quit Sugar’ of course, in its various incarnations, if you like following a strict plan.

And Christianne Wolff’s book via QVC ‘Body Rescue Plan’ for a healthy eating diet. And so many more.

Marlene’s Home-cooked treats  www.MarleneWatsonTara.com has some fabulous links to videos of her cooking sugar alternatives –

–          Nut bars

–          Sweet vegetable tea

March 2015 – THat Sugar Film and That Sugar Book from Damon Gameau an Ozzie who proved ‘healthy’ options are so sugar packed he super-sized eating just those. How 60 days of eating ‘health’ foods with too much sugar led to fatty liver disease. More here on the website www.thatsugarfilm.com.

September 2015 – Jamie Oliver’s Sugar Rush on Channel 4, and a whole page on his website about why it’s vital to cut back – well done Jamie! go here.

And more.

This page is regularly updated. Please come back for more.

EXERCISE – maybe an endorphine rush or a tighter tum helps keep you wanting to persevere. Easy quick exercise in a few minutes every day. The Bodyblade is brilliant – here’s the ‘Beach video super6 workout’ Bruce and I did in LA to show how quick and enjoyable exercise can be.

Also – search for Urban rebounder, Leg Master, Lesley Sansone Walking DVD’s and if you have room the Pilates reformer. Or just dance.

ONLINE SUPPORT ON FACEBOOK

And don’t forget to come join us on the various related support groups –

‘Till the Fat Lady Slims’ group – click here to join

‘Till the Fat Lady Slims’ PAGE – click here to ‘like’ – anyone can see – incl tips of the day.

‘Back to You QVC’ group – click here to join – well being support amongst QVC viewers.

Bodyblade QVC’ group – click here to join

Plus regular blogs from me –

www.debbieflint.com – sign up for newsletter. Writing, Back to You weekly Blog, TTFLS tab etc

Debbie Flint page on Facebook – incl news of my novels, QVC deals, etc

Other news – links to help with your sugar addiction, because I believe that more info makes you make better choices.

http://www.diabetes.org.uk/Guide-to-diabetes/Enjoy-food/Food-and-diabetes/sugar-free-diets/

http://healthytrickss.blogspot.co.uk/2015/02/9-reasons-you-should-be-drinking-lemon.html?m=1

http://happysugarhabits.com/understanding-brown-rice-syrup-barley-malt-extract/#sthash.6JIYnEi9.2xGKc4HJ.dpbs

http://happysugarhabits.com/what-everyone-needs-to-know-about-fructose/#sthash.3AsPVZTS.dpbs

FRUIT – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1256509/Eating-fruit-make-fat.html 

Pam Ayres and Fifty Shades of Grey – the Husband’s View!

How funny is this! It turns out that the ‘Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey’ attributed to great British poet Pam Ayres earlier this year, and doing the rounds again on Facebook and Twitter again now, isn’t her work at all! Rather it’s apparently from the pen of one John Summers. But it’s so ‘Pam-esque’ that the doyenne of the ditty had to take to Twitter to declare ‘I DID NOT write this poem… It is nothing to do with me.’ 

 Here’s one that IS to do with her – inspired by her recent Jam Making sessions –

Great boiling pan of home-made jam

Shop stuff can’t hold a candle

It’s such a treat; it smells so sweet

And sticks you to the handle!

Hehe! Well done @pamAyres – you are now duly followed.

d

x

ps for those who missed it, here’s the poem in full – inspired by the novel, in the style of the master of Odes!

‘An Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey’

The missus bought a Paperback
down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
…T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
…At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said…
I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought oh well, what the hell,
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.

by John Summers